


i think i understand, will i understand?

by beefwellington



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Misogyny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Prompt Fic, Snapshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 21:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14602230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beefwellington/pseuds/beefwellington
Summary: Mac and Dennis need one another. Macknowsthey need each other. Why else would they spend over two decades of their life together?(Snapshots of the times Mac and Dennis relied on one another)





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I cut off my t-shirt sleeves_  
>  And claim a new continent  
> ‘Til I saw your face and hands  
> Covered in the sun and then  
> I think I understand  
> Will I understand?

It starts when his fingers brush against Dennis’. He handed him something he doesn't remember asking for and their hands momentarily brushed over each other. He feels the cold Dennis is giving off but doesn't think much of it at the moment.

“Thanks, dude,” Mac says, taking another swig of whatever alcohol Dennis had brought that day.

They're sitting on the ragged couch of their living room, a buzz in their heads from when Dennis had slammed open the door and started chugging out of a bottle. Mac hadn't bothered to ask - he would find out a few drinks in, always did - but he sat down next to him and joined in. He glances at Dennis from the corner of his eye, watching him take another sip. 

“What?” Dennis asks, surprisingly soft.

“Nothing dude. It's just, you look like something’s upsetting you.”

“Well of course something’s upsetting me, Mac. Why else would I have brought home two boxes of beer when it's usually a 6-pack night?” He took another swig and Mac copied him. “Some lady at the register decided to comment when I was at the grocery store. Asked ‘Wow? Are you going to a party?’ Dumb bitch.” 

“Yeah sure, man. Sounds like a bitch.” Mac didn't really understand, but he knew Dennis was particularly upset when people made comments about him and even more so on his purchases.

He took a few more sips of his drink, staring down the neck of the bottle.

“Is that really all that’s bothering you though?” Mac asks. An unspoken rule between them broken, pressing for further details like a doting mother was something Mac knew bothered Dennis.

“Yeah, man.” His voice pitched higher as he nodded his head. “Just pissed me off is all.”

Mac nodded and cast his eyes downwards. He had an urge to keep pressing, to keep asking for details as he  _ knew _ something was on Dennis’ mind, but he didn't want to upset what peace they had between them that day.

“Hey, come on, don't look like that,” Dennis said, throwing Mac out of his thoughts.

“Like what?” 

“You look like you're about to cry.”

“I'm not about to cry.” HIs cheeks were heating up. “Shut up.” 

“Mhmm whatever man. Be like that.”

“Like you're one to talk.” 

Dennis laughed at him. It pissed Mac off slightly but the sight of Dennis laughing stopped him from going off.

“I’m just worried about you, y'know dude?” Mac admitted and Dennis stopped laughing. He looked sheepish for a moment before taking a long swig of the bottle before tossing it to the ground.

“Yeah. I know.”

Mac has the overwhelming urge to feel those cold hands again.

“Pass me another beer, will ya?” He asked, pointing to the box next to Dennis.

Dennis reached into the box and rummaged around before holding one bottle in each hand. “We’re out. Last ones.”

Mac reached out to the bottle and wrapped his hand around where Dennis’ hand was. Dennis didn't react; maybe he was starting to get drunk Mac thinks, before Dennis set his own drink down and wrapped his other hand around Mac’s. His hands were chilled more from the beer and Mac almost wished there wasn’t a bottle between them.

The two stared at each other, unmoving, for a long moment before Dennis pulls away and quickly opens his drink and chugs, eyes blatantly  _ not _ looking at Mac. Mac takes a moment, watching Dennis with interest, before taking a sip of his own.

_ Yeah,  _ Mac thinks.  _ I think I know, too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just a bunch of snapshots of these two :)
> 
> Title is [Bleachers - Don't Take the Money](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UTznjanFpc)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _With tears in your eyes I begged you to stay_   
>  _You said "Hey man, I love you but no fucking way"_

Mac knows that Dennis isn't one for second guesses, for mistakes, or anything that could go mildly wrong. Every move he makes is calculated to best reflect himself. So when Dennis nearly runs into the bar, out of breath, he would never admit it but it made him nervous.

He rushes to explain the new roles everyone has been given like a scheme he thought up on the route to work. Dennis was no longer Dennis, Charlie was and still is the janitor, Frank is no longer his dad and just a friend, Dee is now know as “Prudence”, and Mac is still Mac, much to his chagrin.

It's a minute later that a woman walks in, holding a child. Although Paddy’s Pub is a dive bar for the day drinkers, women would sometimes swing by. The way she looks at Dennis; expectantly, knowingly, makes Mac confused.

“Everyone, this is Mandy and Brian Jr.,” Dennis says, hesitantly. “He’s my son.”

Everyone gasps. Mac feels himself lightheaded, the way Dennis had described to him once when they were lying in bed together, before he shoots back to reality. He tells Mandy that he and the gang just need to catch up for a moment, sweeping them into the office.

He explains how he pretended to be Brian LeFevre to pick-up Mandy and five months later she phones him, tells him how she’s pregnant. Mac feels the air leaving his lungs. He isn’t sure how the others are feeling but judging by how they look, it’s probably about the same.

Mac perks up, an idea at the tip of his tongue. “Okay, get this. Tell her you’re gay.”

It’s the perfect idea; Mac’s a gay man, he knows the ins-and-outs of the gay-world. He could teach Dennis a thing or two about gay life to present to Mandy, to really sell the idea. He believes it’s flawless.

“Yeah, right, but I already had sex with her,” Dennis replies, shrugging his arms.

“Just go with me here. Brian’s not above having a one-night stand with a woman, but he’s got no room for her emotionally,” Mac takes a breath, pretending to keep everyone on the edge of their seats. The room is devoid of any sound but he thinks he hears Dee mumble a ‘oh God’. “Because he’s in love with me.”

“With you?”

“Well yes, the lover is me, of course.” Of course it would be Mac, who else  _ would  _ it be? Charlie? No, he doesn’t know Dennis like he does. He’d get interrogated by Mandy and immediately blow their cover. And Frank’s even out of the question.

“Next plan.”

Mac tries to sink down into the floor, pretending not to feel dejected. The others have moved onto other plans, something about an indecent proposal and Charlie getting the waitress pregnant.

“Mac, we’ll go with your plan,” Dennis says. Mac lightens up.

“Yeah!”

“Is the apartment ready?”

“Yes. You are not gonna believe what I did to it!”

The walk back to the apartment is a quiet one. He told Mandy to come over in about 15 minutes, giving just enough time to see the new room. Dennis seems to mull over his last option with Mac, if it will even work. Mac is trying to hide his excitement and failing when they approach the apartment. He unlocks the door and opens it.

“Surprise!” He spreads his arms out.

“It looks exactly the same.” Mac doesn’t pick up on the disappointment in Dennis’ voice.

“Yeah! I was able to replicate it wall-to-wall!”

“It’s bizarre.”

“Bizarre in a good way?”

“No.” Dennis’ words sting a little and hurt Mac’s pride. 

“You don’t like it?”

“No.”

Mandy walks into the doorway, a bit earlier than expected. “You never told me you had a roommate.”

Something in Mac’s eyes light up. “It’s time, Brian.”

He wraps his arm around Dennis’ waist and pulls him slightly closer. He feels Dennis try to shift back uncomfortably.

“Um, Mac and I aren’t just friends. He’s actually my-” Mac waits for no time to interrupt Dennis, excited to say words he’s always wanted to say. “-Lover,” Mac finishes.

“Partner,” Dennis corrects.

“Yes, well, we do make love.”

“We don’t actually make love. He’s the power bottom. He generates a tremendous amount of power. From the bottom.” Mac squints his eyes at this. He’s always told Dennis he’d totally be a top when he was totally-not-gay and now Dennis is going to ruin his reputation as a totally-awesome-top.

“It’s just that we don’t have sex.” Mac makes a confused face as Dennis tried to explain.“I uh, I sleep with women but I’m emotionally involved with Mac. So I don’t really have room  _ emotionally _ in my life for you.”

It’s close enough to Dennis’ genuine feelings and what Mac has wanted to hear for so long. Maybe not the sleeping with women part, but telling off a woman who is trying o take Dennis away from him? If he closes his eyes and forgets he has a son, he can pretend Dennis really said those things for him.

“Well, I’m a little bit shocked here. But I guess the most important thing is for Brian, Jr. to have a relationship with his father,” Mandy says. It makes Mac take a deep breath in preparation for their plan to fail. “The only thing I can think of better than Junior having one dad is, well, him having two.”

Mac and Dennis’ eyes both bug out. Mac’s arm around Dennis’ waist squeezes him closer. He desperately wishes he could squeeze his hand and keep up this pretending longer.

“Wow,” Dennis says. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“We’re the kind of guys who would love this!” Mac exclaims out. He can feel Dennis’ eyes bore into the back of his head as he approaches Mandy closer reaching out to hug her, but he doesn’t care. In this moment, all he feels is excitement.

“Oh! Haha!” Mandy seems excited so Mac’s excited. If it means not having to leave Dennis, he’ll raise a child with him and the baby’s mother, even if it stings him a little to think about.

* * *

 

Later in the evening, after the rush of Mandy and Dennis (“Brian”, he has to remember) talking over details and Mandy finally falling asleep does Dennis pull him aside.

“Dude, why did you say you wanted to raise the kid?” Dennis isn’t furious. He’s seen a furious Dennis before and he’s not even close. If anything, he’s just irritated. An irritated Dennis is a normal Dennis.

“I just got caught up in the moment, you know? It was so exciting.” Mac smiles at him. “Maybe we should do it.”

“W-we? We are not a couple, Mac.” His face falls at this.  _ Right _ . Not a real couple. But for the sake of Brian and Brian Jr., he wouldn’t mind keeping this facade up.

“Well, no, we would just keep pretending.”  _ Pretending _ . That’s just what this is. Mac liked to think he was an okay actor, he could pull it off.

“I am not gonna pretend to be in a relationship with you for the entirety of my child’s life.” Dennis takes a deep breath before putting a hand on Mac’s old room door. “I can’t handle this right now. I’m gonna sleep in your room.  _ You _ can sleep on the couch.”

Dennis opens up the door and spies no bed, just Mac’s exercise bike and some towels. He sighs. “What is this?”

“This is the gym. I figured since we got so used to sleeping in the same bed at Dee’s, we could just sort of, continue that here…” Mac says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, like there’s no other option he could have possibly thought of. Dennis looks like he’s in a fit between pure rage and adoration, before his face drops to nothing and he's walking into the room.

“You sleep on the couch. I’m gonna sleep next to the dildo bike.”

* * *

 

After one failed scheme after the other, Dennis decides to take the easy route and explain the real situation to Mandy. All of the lying, his real name, how he and Mac were never really a couple (much to Mac’s displeasure). She takes it all in stride before telling Dennis to say goodbye to Brian Jr. and that’s when Mac can just  _ tell _ . He sees the way Dennis’ face looks like it just got back 26 years of feelings in one second, the way his eyes don’t want to look away from the child. The way he wished his own father would look at him sometimes. He understands it all too well.

They return back to the bar, Mandy and Brian Jr. leaving to the airport. The gang is in a happy mood so Mac’s in a happy mood, dancing to the jukebox. He watches Dennis sulk in his chair. He doesn’t know why he isn’t happy; their haphazard scheme succeeded and no one even got slapped or had the cops called on them this time.

“I can’t do this,” Dennis says, standing. The gang stops dancing and looks at Dennis.“I don’t want my kid to grow up like I did. With some asshole dad who was never around.”

It hits him harder than when Charlie hit him with a baseball bat as a child. Mac wants to interject, say that Mandy would do fine on his own. Say that she’s sweet, she’ll probably find someone who will help raise Brian Jr. so Dennis doesn’t need to.

Dennis walks to the entrance of Paddy’s Pub and waits. This is it, the worst feeling Mac’s felt.

“I’ve got to go. I just got to go. It’s done. Goodbye, Paddy’s Pub. Goodbye Philadelphia. Goodbye, Charlie.” He pauses, looking Mac in the eyes.

Mac doesn’t know if Dennis wants him to say something, but he’s never been too good with words - usually just yelling out whatever comes to his mind first. He wants to say  _ something _ that would make Dennis stay, but he doesn’t want to make him upset. He could be mean, say that Mandy would never want him back after he basically lied about his entire identity. But that might make him more upset and cause him to storm out.

So instead he stays silent.

“Mac, Dee, Frank,” Dennis finishes, turning off the lights and leaving the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's a MacDennis playlist without this song
> 
> [The Front Bottoms - Twin Size Mattress](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWJUk65EnQM)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I was the one_   
>  _You counted on_   
>  _But I was never the one for you_

Mac did a lot of things for Dennis. He peeled and deseeded his apples so he wouldn't be poisoned, he remembered the last time he had taken his pills (“Yes, you've taken your breakfast one, dude”), and on the rare instances he cooked he made sure to ask Dennis beforehand if he could eat it.

Mac knew it wasn't one-sided either. Dennis would remember Mac’s favorite movies and rent them sometimes for his movie pick, he’d always include Mac as his “number one” in his schemes, and he checked in with Mac and got worried when Mac didn't check in with him.

They relied on each other. Mac knew he needed Dennis as much as Dennis needed him. That's why when he’s sat down in  _ their  _ apartment, getting told he needs to get out, he’s shocked.

“Dennis you’re married?” Mac asks, eyes bulging.

“Yeah, she’s actually here, dude.”  _ Maureen Ponderosa.  _ Mac vaguely remembers Dennis dating her in highschool for all of three months. He hadn’t even heard Maureen walk in. “And actually, I need you to move out… like now, like right away.”

“What!? Why do I have to move out? It’s my apartment, too.” His best friend marrying a high school crush and kicking him out of  _ their  _ apartment. All so stupid Dennis Reynolds won’t feel lonely in his 30s.

“Actually, Mac, turns out it’s not your apartment, because you never signed the lease.”

“Well, what am I gonna do with all my stuff?”

“Turns out, believe it or not, you actually don’t own anything in this apartment.” Mac surveys the entire apartment, the place they had just spent nearly ten years of his life and somehow not a single thing in it is  _ his _ . “For instance, that shirt you’re wearing, that was my shirt.”

He fiddles with the hem of it. He wants to rip it off and just walk out of the apartment shirtless. It’s perfect weather for it too, but he pushes the urge down.

“And I also have to drop you from my cell phone’s family plan,” Dennis continues, another stab into Mac’s heart. “Oh, and I’m going to need you to stop using my name at the gym.”

_ Great _ . First Mac gets kicked out of his apartment, his best friend is getting married and he’s getting thrown out of his life, and now he won’t have anything to his name. And Mac knows, deep down, that it’s not about the apartment - he could live with Dennis under the bridge Charlie goes to find jeans - but as long as he’s with Dennis, he would be happy.

He storms out of the apartment, slamming the door behind and walks straight to Paddy’s Pub. Unlocking the door, he steals a bottle of the highest alcohol percentage he can find and marches straight to Dee’s.

Dee proves not to be much use, having Bill over and gagging every few seconds, so he heads to Charlie’s apartment, taking a sip every other step.

* * *

 

“I bet  _ Maureen _ won't peel his apples!” He's nearly finished the bottle. “I can't believe he'd just kick me out like that!” 

Mac had kicked his door until Charlie woke up well into his cat food sleep and unlocked the door. Mac barged in, sat on Charlie’s side of the bed and started drinking straight from the bottle. That wasn't an unusual event, it happened nearly once a week from someone, but Mac was more upset than the usual ones who did this. Frank woke up, yelling at Mac to ‘shut the hell up’.

“Mac, calm down. I'm sure it won't last more than a week.” Charlie raises his hands, standing in front of Mac trying to calm him down. His voice was rising. “Now can you please quiet down, hm? Just chill out,”

“You don't understand, Charlie! She won't be able to take care of Dennis! I’ve spent years taking care of him and making sure he's okay, and now she just shows up outta nowhere and thinks she can pull it off?!” He takes another swig.

“Sounds like you’re just jealous that Dennis settled down and can bone some broad regularly,” Frank says, shifting to sit upright. Charlie hums at that and points at opens his palm at Mac, encouragingly.

“I’m not  _ jealous _ , Frank. I just think he’s not making the right choice.”

“What? Marryin’ a chick? Kicking you outta his life so you guys can’t do your half-brained schemes any more? Sounds like jealousy.”

“Seriously, Frank I am not goddamn jealous!” He takes a moment to compose himself. “I'm just worried that she won't be able to take care of him properly.”

“Alright first of all dude, I'm pretty sure you don't have to take care of him, alright? He's a big man, he can take care of himself,” Charlie says, agitation creeping in on his voice. “And second, Dennis was the one who wanted to marry her. Why don't you get pissed off at him?”

“Yeah! Yeah, dude that's a good idea! I  _ should _ be pissed off at him! He's the one who won't accept my help!” Mac stood up suddenly and teetered for a moment before righting himself.

“Well, no, that's really not  _ what _ I'm saying but - okay, you’re not listening.” Mac was already halfway out of the apartment, leaving behind his bottle and a faint yell of ‘thanks Charlie!’. Charlie shook his head before lying back in bed.

“Those two are  _ fucked _ ,” Frank says. “They just need to bone it out.”

“Yep. Big time.”

_ Okay, plan. _ Mac thinks, walking back to Paddy’s Pub.  _ Confront Dennis _ .

When he arrived at Paddy’s Pub he walked straight to the bathroom and retched into the toilet, before stumbling out to the bar and passing out under it.

* * *

 

In the morning he washes at the bar. The customers don’t care and the gang doesn’t care that he’s half naked, toiletries spread out across the bar, and he’s showering near the taps. He’s on the border of agitation - Dennis basically ignorant to his situation and now Dee is going off about some stupid thing with Bill Ponderosa.

But even in the aftermath of forced homelessness, he’s still worrying about Dennis - did he eat today? Did he take his pills? Sometimes he has nightmares, did Maureen wake him up? On the other hand, he’s enraged.

“All this talk about marriage has got me thinking. I never got a bachelor party,” Dennis says. Mac is in the middle of putting on a shirt - a shirt  _ he _ actually bought and didn’t have scissors to cut the sleeves off with.

“Right now?” Mac asks, feeling the agitation wash over him.

“Yeah! Immediately! And since you would have been my best man, you should probably throw it for me.” Mac doesn’t know whether that’s a lie or not. At this point, he’s angry he would even consider wanting a bachelor party.

“What? No way dude. I’m so pissed at you for throwing me out of the apartment.”

“Yeah and I’m still pretty pissed about you not throwing me a bachelor party.” The effervescent Dennis Reynolds. Joking even in the face of pure anger and unknown to the feelings of others around him.

They eventually give in and head over to the strip club, leaving Dee behind to watch the bar. The music is quiet and the lights are bright enough to see each other. Mac is still mad at Dennis, trying to ignore him. It’s not like he  _ wants _ to ruin his bachelor party, something Mac would have gratefully prepared any other time, but this time it stings. Maybe they could work something out in the future, where he gets to stay in the apartment and they get to sleep in a bed together, one wall apart from Mac. The idea makes his chest burn and his stomach flutter.

They’ve been at the strip club for over 15 hours now, sitting at the same table and getting the same looks from the waitresses. It isn’t doing anything for Mac, sitting within footsie distance from Dennis, and now he sees Dennis pull out his phone.

“Oh! I got a text. A text from the woman. ‘Miss you’,” Dennis reads out the text. Mac, peeved, glares at Dennis and his stupid phone and his stupid wife. “I’ll just write back ‘Miss you too’.”

Mac knows Charlie is staring at him, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes flicker between Dennis on his phone and Mac’s face.

“Now do I write the word ‘too’ or the number ‘2’? What’s the best way to do that when we’re texting?” Dennis doesn’t look up once when he’s texting, only constantly narrating what should be a two-second text.

“Who cares, dude?” Charlie asks. Mac thanks him internally.

“I’ll do the word.”

“Okay great!” Mac interrupts, annoyed. Charlie looks at him, not expecting the outburst, pats Mac’s arm and looks the other way.

Frank leaves with some strippers. Dennis still has his head buried in his phone. Mac just wants to explode, literally and figuratively, and just escape the room they’re in. Instead, he just sits there listening to Dennis prattle off about his  _ ever so delightful _ wife.

“‘Miss you more’, oh that’s classic Maureen right there. You know what I’ll write back?”

“I don’t care,” Mac groans.

“Miss you most. Can’t get more than most.” That one stings Mac and Dennis knows it. It’s something eerily similar to what he had said drunkenly to Dennis one night.

 

_ “Den, dude. I’m gonna miss you when you’re in college and I’m stuck here in Philly,” Mac says, leaning all his weight against Dennis. They’re sitting on his bed in his Dennis’ room, passing a bottle back and forth. Mac drank way more than the other in a half-assed attempt to party one last time before he goes away. _

_ “I’ll miss you more, dude. I can’t wait to finish my degree and get back here with you guys. College may be fun but those stuffy pricks at Penn aren’t gonna be the same.” _

_ “I’ll definitely miss you most. Charlie’s fun but how long can we really just sit around huffing glue? I like drinking and shooting the shit with you.” Mac curls up into Dennis and falls asleep on his lap. _

 

Mac doesn’t know why Dennis is trying to make him jealous. He’s already doing considerably better than the others of the gang, Frank excluded, with a college degree and his  _ own _ apartment, and now a wife. If he wanted Mac to be jealous, he could have done so a long time ago.

“That should be the end of it, right? I hope so.” Mac hopes so, too.

Charlie goes to order more shots for the table, but Mac notices he doesn’t come back and only two shots come back to the table. He looks around and notices he’s off with Frank now, trying to get more money out of him.

Mac tilts his head back and takes a shot. Dennis takes the other.

“So, Mac,” Dennis starts. “Sorry for kicking you out of the apartment.  _ Women _ and all, y’know?”

He doesn’t know but he listens. He crosses his arms and does not look in Dennis’ direction.

“We should, y’know, hit the town or something. It’s still technically my bachelor party and you owe me.”

“Owe you for  _ what,  _ dude. You kicked  _ me _ out.”

“Owe me for all the booze I’m buying.

That gets Mac’s gears turning. They head on out the door, leaving Charlie and Frank to their antics.

They buy some cheap beers and a bottle of their favorite scotch and crack them open not even a foot out the door. They get drunker throughout the night, clinging desperately to each other, keeping one another standing while belting out old songs from their youth.

The two make their way back to  _ their  _ apartment, belting “The boys are back in town”, before Maureen wanders into the kitchen and Mac remembers why he was even out with Dennis in the first place.

“Dennis,” Maureen says. Mac and Dennis cheer, the alcohol getting him excited. “What are you doing? It is two in the morning. I was sleeping, Dennis.” 

“Maybe I should go to my room,” Mac says, turning towards the door. Mac doesn’t hear much between them. He wants to hear their spat, he loves spats, but he shouldn’t get involved.

He hears Dennis yell, “Divorce!”.  _ That _ makes Mac listen well and his heart beat fast.

“I don’t love you, Maureen. I don’t love you,” Dennis says, turning to Mac. His eyes meet Mac’s for a split second before turning back to Maureen. Mac doesn’t think it’s the alcohol making him shiver. “I never loved you.”

He feels bad - bad that she had to hear this at two AM, but giddy. More giddy than when he drank half a bottle of Schnapps on his own and curled up next to Dennis. He’s laughing with Dennis and his insults at his wife, he’s smiling with him over the fact that he just said he wanted to divorce her and never loved her.

“I want you and your boy toy out of my apartment, now!”

They laugh. “I’m the boy toy!” “You’re my boy toy!”

They’re not laughing when Maureen pounds her fist against her shoulder and they run out of the apartment.

They start laughing again in the hallway, singing “The boys are back in town!” another time.

“Man, that was crazy! I can’t believe you’re gonna divorce her.”

“Yeah, man. It’s gonna be - gonna be messy though, I didn’t sign a prenup.”

“Oh shit dude. That sucks. But it’s okay because you’ll probably at least get the apartment back! Then I can sleep in a real bed again.” Mac slides a hand around his waist which Dennis reciprocates. Dennis doesn’t comment.

The two stumble together down to Paddy’s, where they pass out under the bar clinging to one another.

* * *

 

In the morning, Mac is already awake, head pounding. The sunlight is shining brightly through what little windows Paddy’s has so he opts to doing a semi-daily routine. He peels Dennis’ arm away from his chest reluctantly before walking around the bar.

The clock on the wall, from what he can make out, says it’s just after 10a.m., a time he’s no longer used to waking up at. Despite being mad at Dennis the past three days, he still has an urge to take care of him. He knows what Charlie said, that Dennis can take care of himself, but at least Mac can take care of the little things.

He walks to the store just down the block, one where they go to buy cheap ingredients when Paddy’s runs out, and buys some pears and crackers. He knows Dennis can eat those and they don’t have a stove. If only he had grabbed his pills when he was drunk last night.

Walking back into the bar, he notices Dennis waking up. He hands him the pear and crackers and sits down on the floor next to him. It’s sticky, more stickier than usual, probably from the alcohol the two of them spilled everywhere. He sits down anyway and watches Dennis eat, eyes looking tired and unfocused.

“Thanks, man. What would I do without you?” Dennis says, looking down at the pear and crackers in his hands then glancing into Mac’s eyes

Mac nods, he can feel his heart thump in his chest. “No problem, man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is [First Aid Kit - A Long Time Ago](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLLp_hA8MXU)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh how I meant to tease him_   
>  _Oh how I meant no harm_   
>  _Touching his back with my hand I kiss him_   
>  _I see the wasp on the length of my arm_

On Mac’s first day out as an official gay man, he has $14 extra dollars to his name. He doesn’t know what to do with it; he could buy seven bags of chips. He could buy some tacos from the store. The possibilities are endless. He ends up going to a church and gives it during the passing of the plate.

He feels different being here when he’s out now. Previously, he had God’s protection for anything. Now, he’s not too sure but he hopes the $14 can spot him another day.

After the service, he sticks around in the pews a little longer. He prays to God and hopes that it reaches him.

 

On Mac’s first night out as an official gay man, he lies on Dee’s couch. He didn’t think he could handle sleeping in a crowded bed one foot away from Dennis. The aforementioned person had returned from the bar and promptly passed out on the floor. Mac spent the night lying awake, thinking about how he came out; he was officially himself, no denying that, and he felt great.

On the other hand, his religious side still tormented him; years of being a devout Christian ached at him in his mind, guilting him to repent, to go back into the closet, to pray every time he had a thought about another man. He tossed and turned.

Dennis groaned. “Shut up, Mac. I can hear your thoughts from over here,”

Mac sat up and looked at him. The kitchen clock read  _ 2:12AM _ . Dennis was sitting up and climbing onto the couch to sit next to him, scooching underneath the blankets.

“What do you mean?” He asked, curious about what Dennis could possibly be thinking.

“I mean you probably are still thinking about how you  _ think _ you're going to hell.” And there it was - a simple sentence that took the words out his mouth. Mac’s breath hitches.

“How do you know that, man?” He asked, quiet and head hung low. A blanket was on their laps and Mac could feel Dennis’ ever cold hands a hair’s breadth away from his.

“I've known you for over twenty years, Mac. I think I know when you're going through some gay crisis or something.” He stretched his back and popped his shoulders. “And frankly, I don't want to get involved. It's your own crisis. But I can't get my precious beauty sleep with you tossing and turning. So spit it out, man.”

There it was, Dennis’ personal brand of trying to cheer someone up; saying it affected him. Mac knew it all too well.

“Well, I'm just worried that God won't let me into heaven for being gay,” He said, the words sliding out before he could stop them and regret voicing his feelings. He knew being a gay man meant being in touch with his emotions, but some things he was still keeping down. But there they were, hanging out in front of Mac and being read by Dennis.

“Listen Mac, even if there was a heaven, I don't think God would make it so you couldn't get in just because of who you like and don't like.” Mac looked down and listened to Dennis’ words. It was something he told himself a lot, but hearing it from another person helped get the words to him. “And even if you do go to hell, I'm planning on dying with you, with everyone. We're going down together, all of us,”

Mac smiled and looked at him. “Thanks, dude. I appreciate it. It would suck if I got into hell after years of being a devout christian, but if I’m in the afterlife without you guys, I’ll be mad!”

Dennis laughed. “Sure you will, buddy. Now get some sleep,”

Dennis started to stand before Mac grabbed his hand and pulled him down. He was face-to-face with Mac before he felt a hand gently wrap around the back of his neck and lips kiss his cheek softly. 

“Thanks, Den. Really.” He smiled and laid down facing the other way.

Dennis stood crouched beside Mac, shocked at his boldness, before brushing Mac’s hair out of Mac’s face and going back to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fulfill the sufjan quota
> 
> [Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBMwwJMkcRA)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You’ll see the world_   
>  _Diving for a girl you’ll never find_   
>  _And then we’ll quietly grow old:_   
>  _The saddest story ever told_

“Don’t you think it’s pathetic that you’re nearly 40 yet you’re still going after college girls using that stupid system of yours?” Dee had asked Dennis one day when he was particularly getting on her nerves.

Dennis grits his teeth. “Don’t  _ you _ think it’s pathetic that  _ you’re _ nearly 40 and you still haven’t had a real boyfriend since high school?”

They had been going at each other for nearly an hour now. Both flipping back and forth with various insults. Charlie looked like he was on the verge of ripping out his hair and Frank was in the office doing paperwork. Mac walked into the pub, a wave of heat rushing into the building.

“Hey, hey, guys, guys!” Mac said, rushing up to the counter.

“Oh look Mac’s here. He’ll agree with me,” Dee said, knowing full well that they have never agreed.

“Agree with what?”

“That Dennis is pathetic.”

“I don’t agree with that?”

“Wha-”

“Just face it, Dee. Mac agrees with me because he knows it’s not pathetic, don’t ya, Mac?”

“I don’t know what’s going on.” Mac looked confused.

“Isn’t it pathetic that Dennis only chases after college girls because he  _ knows _ he can’t get anyone his age and no one wants to settle for a pathetic old man,” Dee says, trying to fuel the fire. Dennis only laughs.

“Dee, Dee, Dee. Mac won’t think that pathetic, right Mac?” Mac stood there confused when the two of them turned to him.

“Huh? Oh, nah dude. That’s totally sweet. You can get any girl you want, right? That’s totally cool.” Mac nodded his head. Dennis grinned at Dee who rolled her eyes.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you’re gay for him. You’ll think anything he does is ‘cool’ or ‘sweet’.” He hears Charlie in the corner, surprisingly still sitting there, grunt.

“Well of course he’d be gay for me, Dee. Who  _ wouldn’t _ want a piece of this, eh?” He’s sliding his shirt up to show off his abs. He turns toward Mac to show them off. “Don’t resist, baby boy, it’s alright.”

“Dude I am not gay. Not even for you,” Mac says through gritted teeth.

“Yeah alright, sure. Keep telling yourself that, Mac. Maybe one day it’ll come true,” Dee says, promptly ignoring them and pretending to clean a glass.

“Just ignore her. She’s pissed because her date flaked on her. Now what’s up, dude?” Dennis stood up from his barstool and walked over to Mac, guiding him to the bar farther away from Dee and Charlie.

“Look at them, Charlie,” Dee said, causing Charlie to loosen his grip on his hair. “One day they’ll have to admit that what they got  _ really _ ain’t that platonic. Or hell, even one-sided.”

“I don’t think that’ll happen, Dee. I’ve known Mac since we were kids. He’s way too far in that closet to ever find the exit again.”

“And Dennis is way to far gone with pretending to want to bone women. They’ll never see it.”

“Well, for all our sakes, I hope  _ someone _ swings that door wide open and they can see the light.”

They can see the two of them leaning close together, Dennis animatedly moving his hands and Mac just sitting there nodding.

“I mean, it’s kinda true too, ain’t it?” Charlie asks, taking a sip of a beer Dee’s placed in front of him. “Me and Mac have known each other since childhood but they’ve got like some sort of weird connection. Kinda like me and Frank.”

“I don’t think any weird thing you and Frank do is comparable to those two.”

“Well, no like, me and Frank we’ve been sticking together like...whatever sticks together.”

“Glue, Charlie.”

“Yeah, that. And Mac and Dennis are like that, too. But they’re like… super strong glue. You get it?”

“Not really. But in a super strange way, sorta?” Charlie seemed pleased at that answer and watched the two again.

 

“Dude,” Mac says, nearing three a.m. when they had finally cleaned up the bar and closed up. Dee and Charlie had left as soon as their shift was over. “I didn’t wanna say it in front of them but it’s been on my mind since then.”

Dennis nearly slammed on the brakes. Was this finally it? The day Mac McDonald was finally coming out of the closet and telling him that he was in love with his best friend?

“I kinda think your system is weird. Your D.E.N.N.I.S. system.” Apparently not. Dennis snorted.

“Well, Mac. It’s not really  _ for _ you to understand. You just have to stand back and watch the magic happen. Not literally. Well, maybe. If you want it to be literally.”

“No, dude. I’m just saying. What do you even get out of nailing a bunch of chicks?”

“What do I get? Mac, what do you get hooking up with them after I’m done with them?”

Mac cast his eyes downward. “An easy bone?”

Dennis laughed again. “Well, me too then. And maybe one day, one of those women will become my lover. For longer than one night.”

“Is that what you use your system for? Trying to find some sort of woman you immediately hit an emotional connection with when you stick your dick in her?”

“If it happens.” Dennis smiles, staring into Mac’s eyes. “Mac, you might not get it yet but one day you will. Maybe you’ll even find someone nice you fall in love with. And that’s the beauty of the system.”

Mac still didn’t really understand it but Dennis spoke to him with that knowing tone like he  _ should _ be understanding it.

“Who’s the next chick you’re going after?”

“Oh, some gorgeous lady I saw at the supermarket. Chatted her up about some ingredients, pretended I was a chef at some high-class restaurant. She ate it up. We have a date this coming Sunday. I’m going to be cooking a beautiful steak.”

“Can you even cook, dude?”

"No but these she won’t know the difference between high quality steak roasted medium rare and some cheap thing from the store.”

Mac hummed. Sunday night. He could get out of the house for awhile, especially if Dennis was cooking.

“I can go somewhere for a few hours. Maybe hang out at Charlie’s?”

“Actually, Mac, since I don’t know the first thing about cooking, I figured you could stay. Maybe accidentally ‘ruin’ the steak a bit, make a bit of a mess during our dinner - show up drunk or something, the usual.” Dennis moved closer to Mac. “Then I’ll take her back to my room and have sweet, passionate sex with her.”

The rest of the drive is silent, Mac mulling over the inner workings of the system, before they arrive at their apartment, unlocking the door and Dennis opens it for Mac before following inside.

“Listen Mac, I’m just trying to say, don’t knock the system before you use it. Maybe it’ll work out in your favor.”

“Yeah,” Mac said, heading to his room. “Sure, dude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Magnetic Fields - The Saddest Story Ever Told](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE59VaFVIMs)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You stand alongside_   
>  _And say something perfect like “concealment feeds the fear”_   
>  _And hand me a sea peach_   
>  _And say, “Come, come over here, smoochie”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of content warning for homophobia (nothing super detailed, just a quick description of a bar fight).

The two needed one another, that much was certain. It was the days when Dennis came back from the store, run ragged and only getting half the groceries they needed. It was the days when Dennis got rejected and insulted and stormed back into the apartment. It was the days when Mac, after he finally came out, heard the f-slur from people he recognized from Paddy’s, or after a particularly rough father’s day when Mac’s own memories of his father came back to haunt him. Those were the days when the two needed each other the most.

When Mac came back one day to Dee’s apartment, a bruise blossoming across his face and eye, he opened up the door to see Dennis and some woman he didn’t know would be there.

“Mac, what are you doing back? I thought you’d be at the bar for another hour.” Dennis stood up from where the two were cuddling on the couch and walked over to him. “Um, this is my roommate, Mac. I was telling you about him. Guess he's home early…”

She waved a hand and he ignored her.

“Mac, mind leaving for another hour- woah. What happened?” He moved from the doorway into the apartment, letting the door close behind him. In the brighter light of the kitchen, Dennis saw the way the pink formed around his cheek and his eye starting to puff.

“Hey, Dennis. Can we get back to this?” The woman asks. Dennis turned around and shooed his hands.

“Go away. I’m done with you.”

“What?”

“Done. This is over. Leave.” He shook his hands again and held open the door.

The woman huffed and stormed out of the apartment, past the two of them. Mac opened his mouth to protest before Dennis cut him off.

“Don’t worry about her. I just met her today. Didn’t even need to use the system or anything.” He walked over to the freezer and grabbed a bag of peas, probably expired, and handed them to Mac. “Enough about that. What happened to you?”

He eased the peas onto his eye and winced. “A bar fight, dude. Someone went nuts in the corner and it just sorta spread. I got caught right in the middle of it. Of course I tried to fend ‘em off but they all just piled on me. I managed to escape by doing some sweet moves, though.” Mac tried to show off the moves he used but winced.

Dennis didn’t believe that he fought  _ any _ of them or that some shitty bar fight even happened, but who was he to argue. He helped Mac sit down on the couch.

“If they all piled on you, is that the only place you got hit?”

“Everything hurts, dude.” He held up his shirt, showing Dennis bruises forming on his back and ribs. He reached his hand down and rubbed a circle into Mac’s thigh.

“You look fine man. You sure fought them off good, huh?” His voice was quiet and weak. Mac nodded.

“Oh man you shoulda been there. It was good drinks though before that happened.” Dennis looked at the clock which read  _ 11:43 _ . He sighed and leaned his head back.

Mac turned his attention to the television, one eye useless and the video a bit fuzzy. They were watching some romcom.

“Kinda glad you showed up anyway. She picked this shitty movie and made us watch it.” Dennis said.

“Chicks man. Never know how to pick good movies.” The two of them laughed.

“Want something to drink? I think I still have some wine leftover.”

Mac wrinkled his nose. “Wine? Really dude?”

“She picked it out. Really made me open my wallet up for one night.”

“Sure, give me some wine. Let’s pretend we’re bureaucrats for one day.” Dennis got up and came back with two glasses and the bottle and sat back down.

He poured the glasses and handed one to Mac.

“Cheers.” They clinked their glasses. “It’s like we’re at one of our monthly dinners.”

“If only there was some good food in this place. Dee never keeps her fridge stocked.” Mac said, sloshing a bit of wine trying to drink. “Where is the bird anyway?”

“I kicked her out. She protested a lot when I tried to bring the chick back here and said I needed to use her bed. So she’s probably at Charlie’s or something. Who cares.” He shrugged.

“Hmph yeah. Who cares.”

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the movie play out. Mac hadn’t picked up any of the plot in the time he had been sitting there.

“Look at us. Watching romcoms, drinking  _ wine _ . God who are we?” Dennis laughs out.

“We’re like two chicks, man.” The two laughed. After their laughter died down, Dennis’ curiosity got the better of him and he reached out with his free hand to touch the bruise on Mac’s face.

Mac flinched away in surprise but leaned into the touch after. The two stared at each other before Mac took the hand and held it between them.

“Mac, do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, dude.”

“You look like you just got hit by a car, man.” Dennis set his wine down and pressed the hand to Mac’s ribs, making him wince.

“So I just took a few bad blows. It’ll heal.”

“All of it will heal, Mac, but that's really not what I'm talking about.”

“Maybe you really are turning into a girl with how much you wanna talk about feelings so much.” Mac shot back. He was still holding Dennis’ hand and he could feel himself squeezing tighter. He let it go. “I just don’t wanna talk about it dude.”

“Jesus, man. Calm down.” Dennis turned his attention back to the movie. The main character was crying in the rain while the man was walking away. “A perfectly good woman is just throwing herself at his feet and he has the gall to just walk away? It's unrealistic.”

Mac stayed silent for another moment. Sometimes Dennis ranted about nothing and it would drown out the silence. It’s what Mac needed tonight.

“Y’know that chick that was here?” Of course Mac would know, he watched her leave. “Wanna know how I got her to come back here?”

Mac nods his head but really doesn’t want to hear of his sexcapades. Dennis’ attention is on the movie, not looking at him.

“Told her that I'm all alone in my apartment. That her my roommate was out on a trip and how I miss him so much,” He turned his body towards Mac. “She just ate that story up. Started cooing and shit at me. Said we should have dinner here so it won't make my apartment feel so lonely. Made me buy this stupid wine too.”

“Surprised that worked instead of her just rolling her eyes.”

“Yeah, well. I'm the master at this, Mac. Truth be told, my story wasn't too far from the truth.” 

Mac wrinkled his nose. “I wasn't on a trip though, dude. I was like 10 minutes away.”

“Not - not that, dude. About missing you. It got kinda lonely here this evening. Even with the chick.”

“Well, that bar wasn't all fun and games either.” Mac paused for a moment, looking sheepish. “Got into a fight with someone. He totally deserved it though.”

It’s not as if they haven't gotten into fights before - the gang starts a brawl internally almost daily - but they at least knew each other. Mac was covered in bruises, way more hurt than he was letting on.

“Yeah. I believe you. Probably a real asshole.”

“Oh yeah, totally dude. There were these two dudes there flirting with each other. Well, some drunk started getting in their faces and they were just like ‘dude, back off’ but he just kept screamin’ at them. Like really getting in there.” Mac sounded a bit downtrodden telling the story so Dennis put his hand on his thigh. 

“So I go up to him, I'm like ‘dude shut up. Some of us are tryna get our buzz on here’. And he says some shit like ‘Are you one of  them?’ and called me the f-word, and I say some shit back to him and he starts wailing on me. I got a few good blows on him though and then it sorta got blurry…”

He hadn't meant to tell that much about his story. Didn't want Dennis to know he basically started a bar fight because he was defending a couple, something he never does, and still got his ass handed to him.

“Den?” Dennis is staring at him straight on, a vacant look in his eyes. “Sorry dude, just sorta all came out.”

“Mac…” He said softly, placing a hand over the bruise. “Will you be alright?”

“Well the bruises will probably take awhile to heal.”

“No I mean, will  _ you  _ be alright?”

Mac was quiet before nodding his head. “Yeah. Just ‘cause some asshole ruined the vibe of the night doesn't mean there isn't another. Wouldn't be a good bouncer for Paddy’s if I couldn't take some abuse.”

Dennis smiled and patted Mac’s leg. “Of course, man. You're the best bouncer we got. Couldn't afford to lose you.”

“Don't worry dude,” Mac said, taking Dennis’ hand in his own. “I ain't going nowhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Father John Misty - Smoochie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTKQb28lapg)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Don't you realize our bodies could fall apart at any second?_   
>  _I am terrified your body could fall apart at any second_   
>  _Those are you got some nice shoulders_   
>  _I'd like to put my hands around them_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some warning for disordered eating (nothing super descriptive, just bad habits from Dennis)

It's in the middle of day three of his fast that Mac realizes Dennis hasn't eaten anything. His hollowed cheeks, dark circles under his eyes, and ragged look finally made it click in his mind.

He had seen Dennis like this plenty before, tried to make sure he ate something or talk to him before he hurt himself.

“Den, are you alright?” Mac asked. He wasn't trying to approach Dennis like a timid animal, but sometimes he acted like it. Dennis’ tired eyes met his.

“Yeah. ‘M’fine.” Dennis nodded his head and went back to staring at the television, playing one of his old sex tapes on mute, one where he was visibly younger with less muscle.

“It looks like you haven't eaten again. Did Dee say something again? You look fine,” 

“Not Dee. Someone I was trying to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system on. Said I was looking a bit pudgy around the midsection,”

Mac moved to sit next to him and stretched his arm across the back of the couch.

“Well, she doesn't sound worthy of fucking you anyway.” Dennis laughed and leaned into Mac’s shoulder. “Want me to skin you an apple?”

Dennis paused for a second before nodding, missing the warmth when Mac stands up. He hears him rustle through the drawers and fridge before walking back with a skinless, chopped apple in a bowl and hands it to Dennis. He sits back in his original position, arm around Dennis’ shoulders.

Dennis stares at the fruit for a moment, seemingly forgetting why he has it.

“The golden god does not need to eat,” He says, pushing it to Mac.

“C’mon man, don't be like that.” Mac grabs a piece and places it in Dennis’ free hands. “At least have one piece,”

He looks at Mac with a mix of the most pissed off expression he could master and utter gratitude. He eats the piece and reached for the rest. Mac handed it back to Dennis and gleamed. 

“See, look here Mac. I think I look incredible here. And Jane here, she also looks incredible. Supple breasts…” Dennis went into detail about ‘Jane’ before Mac cuts him off.

“I think you look incredible now, dude.” Mac won't take back the compliment - it's true. Even with his hollow eyes and what some lady describes as a ‘pudgy stomach’ (fuck her), he looks incredible. Dennis has a wide-eyed expression on his face, like he just received an offering from a follower to personally give their life to a God.

“...What?”

“You said you looked incredible there. I think you look incredible now. I mean, there, too, but even now…” Dennis looks down at the empty bowl on his lap to Mac and his arm strewn around his back. “And I mean, I'm worried about you, dude. You're my best friend. I-”

Whatever Mac is about to say, he stops when he shuts his mouth closed as Dennis slides his hand around his shoulders and buries his face in his neck.

Rare physical contact Dennis Reynolds has initiated, one hidden from the world in an apartment that's not even theirs. He graciously hugs back, arms around a thin torso, worried that he'll crush The Golden God himself if he hugs a bit tighter. 

Dennis’ lips touch Mac’s neck before pulling away and Mac shudders. He looks down at the small frame of Dennis in his arms, staring up at him, lips glossy with saliva. He knows he's probably making puppy dog eyes at Dennis. He wants to grab Dennis’ face and press those lips to his, to return the kiss he just got, to do so much more. He reaches for Dennis’ face. 

Before he can make a move, Dennis leans back, smug look on his face, and continues watching his sex tape, both parties reaching a climax with muted sound.

Mac takes a moment to compose himself before stretching his arm across the back of the couch again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Car Seat Headrest - Bodys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvsQPCbgJOA)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Late light drizzling through your hair_   
>  _Your eyes, twin volcanoes_   
>  _Bad ideas dancing around in there_

The rain’s pouring on the two of them sitting outside of a fence. It’s pitch black and Dennis can barely see Mac’s outline a foot in front of him.

“Dude you sure this is gonna work? This is stupid, even for us.”

“For the last time, _just wait,_ Mac.”

The plan had been simple - in an idea brought to the table by Frank to destroy a local competition bar that had been taking their customers. Charlie and Dee were going to break into the bar on the rainiest night in Philadelphia and smash a few windows, pretending it was from the lightning. Then Charlie was going to throw a few birds into the place (knowing Charlie, it was probably way more than a few) then let the rain do the rest of the work. Mac and Dennis were on backup squad to watch for anyone passing by, and Frank was on “smash anything inside the bar and make it look like an accident” duty.

“I’m freezing my ass off over here.” Mac shivers and rubs his arms. “Let’s just ditch them. They won’t even know.”

“No way, man. Think about it this way, this plan is ultimately gonna fail, right?”

“Oh absolutely.”

“So when they fail, all three of them are the one’s getting the blame. We’ll just be some innocent passersby who happened to show up and see it happen. Then, we won’t be blamed for this plan and we get off scot-free.”

“That’s pretty damn smart dude. Won’t they rat us out though?”

“Well who’re the cops gonna believe? Three miscreants who were breaking into a bar or a _couple_ out on a nice midnight stroll?”

“So we’re gonna pretend to be a gay couple on a stroll, at midnight, in the middle of a rainstorm?”

“Well it - it sounds pretty idiotic when you put it like that but just trust me, Mac. Leave any talking to me-”

“Hey you two idiots. We heard all of that.” Dee’s voice came in through the walkie-talkie in Mac’s hand.

“Mac, were you holding down the button?”

“I was holding down the button…”

“Give me that.” Dennis took the receiver.

“Hey Dee, how’s it going?” The rain pierced through his words, making it hard to hear.

“Like I’ll tell you two dickheads now that I know you’re planning on turning on us.”

“Oh shut up you bitch, just tell us what’s happening.”

She groans. “Well Frank got stuck in one of the windows so now we’re trying to pull him out and Charlie released all of the birds before we crawled in so now I guess Frank is getting pecked or something?”

“You’re a goddamn bird Deandra. Ouch, _shit_!” Frank yells.

“Lemme tell you there are _a lot_ of birds. You should get over here, it’s hilarious.” They hear Frank and Charlie arguing with each other between Dee’s words.

“Fine, we’ll head over there.”

The two of them are standing when they see the bright light round the corner and the sound of footsteps nearing them.

“Shit!” Mac grits out. Dennis grabs his wrist to prevent him from running away.

“Follow my lead,” Dennis whispers, pushing Mac against the fence and hiding the walkie-talkie between them. He inches closer and pushes his lips to Mac’s.

Mac gasps against his lips before kissing back, gripping his back and head. Dennis hears the footsteps near them and sees the light shine on the two. He pulls away from Mac’s face and turns to look and he sees a security guard carrying an umbrella. He can’t make out any features, distorted by the rain.

“What are you two doing here? This is private property.”

“Oh sorry, we didn’t know. Me and my boyfriend here were trying to find a secluded area for, y’know, some _private_ time. Guess we just happened here.” He feels Mac’s breath on his face, hot and heavy.

“It’s midnight _and_ it’s pouring.” The guard wasn’t fucking around.

“Huh? Is it? Must have slipped my mind. You know how things are. Well, if that’s all, we’ll just leave now-”

“Hey are you two gonna get over here soon? We pushed Frank through and now me and Charlie are in.”

“Goddamn bitch,” Dennis hisses. “Mac, run!”

He grabs the walkie talkie in one and Mac’s hand in the other and runs. Mac takes a second to come back to reality before running. They hear the security guard yell behind them but in the darkness of the rain the flashlight doesn’t shine far.

The two are out of breath and panting by the time they’ve run only a block. They find a small roof to avoid the rain and Dennis has to stand hip-to-hip with Mac, feeling him shiver. He realizes he’s still holding his hand but doesn’t let go.

“Dee, goddammit,” Dennis says into the walkie-talkie. “You ruined our plan.”

“Wha-? Me? What the hell did I do?” The distance between them makes her voice sound like it’s crackling. “And where are you guys? I can barely hear you.”

“Had to run. Guard close by. Probably gonna find you very soon, actually. Definitely heard you talk about the plan.” Mac hums in agreement.

“What? Oh goddammit! Charlie, we gotta bail.” They hear the receiver click off and dead silence. The rain around them starts to quiet down.

“Told you it was a stupid idea, dude.”

“Hey shut up, man. This would’ve worked had that stupid security guard not been there. Who even patrols some shitty area like this anyway?”

“I bet I totally coulda pulled off some sweet moves on that security guard if you hadn’t-” Mac stops himself.

“If I hadn’t what, baby boy?” Mac can see the outline of Dennis, grinning at him. Dennis puts a hand on the wall next to Mac and presses his chest to his, boxing him in. He squeezes Mac’s hand and feels Mac’s breath hitch.

“If you hadn't thrown off my cool there.” Dennis rolls his eyes but doesn't move.

“Yeah ‘cool’, sure.”

“I’m freezing my ass off over here,” He says, leaning into Dennis. “Can we head back to the bar or something? Regroup?”

The rain doesn't seem to be letting up and Dennis was feeling the adrenaline rush die down and the cold rush over him.

“How about this.” Dennis wraps the arm previously holding Mac’s hand around his waist and pulls him as close as he can. Mac wraps his own arms around his waist in return. The cold seeps between the two of them but all he feels is the heat.

“This is good, yeah,” Mac whispers.

“ _OH MY GOD! Are you two making out?!”_ Charlie’s voice screams through the walkie-talkie.

“Dennis… were you holding the button down?”

“...I was holding the button down.”

The two stand in silence for a second before bursting out laughing.

“Guess we should, um, head back to the bar then?” Dennis suggests.

“Yeah, guess we should.” Mac looks around at the rain pattering down, lightening up, and the pitch black blocking out anything but Dennis in front of him. “Then again, the rain _is_ pretty bad, dude. Maybe we should phone it in and say we're stuck here until it lets up.”

Dennis smiles and presses the button on the walkie-talkie.

“Charlie, yeah uh, the rain man. Just got a new sweater and everything, don’t want to get it ruined. You guys head back to the bar without us. We'll group up later.”

“ _Really!? The rain_ just _died down and me and Dee did all this work only for you two to-”_ Dennis turns off the radio.

“It looks like the rain isn't going to let up for awhile, huh, Mac?” The rain comes to a halt.

“Yeah, totally dude. Looks like we’re stuck here for awhile.” Mac smiles and squeezes Dennis’ waist tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a tmg song :)  
> honestly the entirety of Tallahassee should just go on here  
> i couldn't decide between this or 'See America Right' but eventually settled on this one
> 
> anyway, this is the last one. i wrote this all in like two sessions and then ran out of steam, so its stopped at 8.
> 
> [The Mountain Goats - Idylls of the King](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5XajZNGbHo)


End file.
